Pushing through

Good Morning!

Geraniums on my patio(02/04/2013)

Today, I have no time commitments to anything!  The girls are sleeping in.  I am planning to go to San Diego to take some pictures for my gypsymomvirtualconcierge.blogspot.com blog.  I need to be more pro-active with doing the docent program, as speaking in front of a group is very scary for me.  I don't mind talking to people, but when I have to tell them certain information and keep them interested, it is scary.  It comes back to my self-confidence, that I can do this and my perfectionism, that I will do it right.  I have a tendency to back away from something hard and I am tired of doing that.  I have done it with photography, organizing and I do not want to do it with this.  I have taken the four classes-well three, but they let me miss one, as long as I did the reading; I have shadowed 5 tours and will have completed the sixth tour, as of the tomorrow.  I have done three station tours, even though I really don't feel like I have done that, so I am going to do extra station tours with docents that will let me do that, so I can feel more comfortable in speaking to others.  I could really use prayers from you that pray.

I got my morning computer routine done and then I did a load of laundry.  Took a nap and then worked on my storage unit box.  After lunch, I took off by myself for San Diego. It was nice to go someplace by myself, as it gave me some time to think.   Got gas in the car, then headed for Smart & Final to get some groceries and then headed for San Diego.  We have a man hunt going on in our area and the signs along the freeway were describing the truck he was driving and there was a good police presence along the freeway, which was nice.  Scary, but nice!  Got to San Diego and took the pictures I wanted to take, got a snack and then headed back for home.  Rory has been gone all day today.  The girls and I had dinner and watched TV and now we are doing our own thing.

This was a tree in front of the Marston House in San Diego, near Balboa Park-Day 38 of 365.

Going to do my computer routine, do my reading and go to bed.

Good night.  Trudi

Tired Sweet Pea

Will I ever learn?

Good Morning!

I feel like I should use the song-"Here we go round in circles"-as that is what I keep doing.  Let me let go.

This was taken at a car show in Lake Forest, CA that Marissa and I stumbled upon last week.

My day today is a little less hectic.  Mari has school from 10-4 and I am following a tour this morning.  Marissa needs to get her bangs cut and the house gets cleaned.

Mari got to school on time and she still has a class on Wednesday.  Her class has a very small amount of people and they keep thinking it will be cancelled, but so far, not.  Got to the mission on time and was able to do two station tours, so now I, only have two more.  The person, whose tour I followed was awesome and I was able to talk to her after the tour.  She reads a lot and shares information in her tour.  Got Starbucks lunch for Marissa and I and headed home.  Got a wonderful nap and now we are headed out to get Marissa's bangs cut and run some errands.  We will work ourselves towards Laguna.

Well nothing went the way I had hoped it would.  There was a 40 minute wait at the hair place, so went by the vet and dropped off the used syringes.  Then headed for Laguna and then to get a snack.  Stopped at Trader Joe's and then home.  Usually the cleaning people get to our house about 2:30-3; but today, they did not get there until after 4.  Rory came home and was watching "Tiaras and Toddlers", so I decided to go outside and work on the computer.  I was really hoping to do some docent reading, but I guess so much for that idea.  Frustration upon frustration gets old.  I am also upset with myself, as I don't feel confident in giving tours.  Everyone keeps saying have fun with it and I have a problem having fun.

This is Macy, who lives at the vet!

Did do some reading, but got very tired.  I am not giving up!!!  Made dinner and watched "Face Off' with the girls.  We turned off the TV and had some quiet time.  At 9, Mari and I are going to watch Ghost Hunters and then I am going to do some reading and go to bed.  I am very tired.

Good night!  Trudi

Walking path at Heritage Park in Dana Point, CA

In a fog

Good Morning!

Yesterday afternoon when I was walking with Julie, it was major foggy at Dana Point, but as I drove farther inland, it was not as foggy.  As time went on, the fog came farther inland and by the time I went to pick up Mari, it was very foggy at our house and luckily by the time I got down to Laguna, it was not as foggy.  This morning, it is still foggy at our house.

I, also, feel like I am in a fog when it comes to my tour of the mission.  I am not sure how to practice, as to me, it would look a little weird, walking around the mission practicing my tour.  I guess not all things are straight forward.

Mari has school today from 10-10. I am going to go walk Dana Point, go to the mission to get some information, then come home and get lunch and take a nap.  I am going with Marissa to counseling and then come home make dinner and about 9 go back and pick up Mari.  I won't get to see Mari all day and I will miss seeing her.

Mari and I left about 9:15 to get to Starbucks and school.  Made it.  I made a test run from Laguna to the mission to see if I could do this on Wednesday and get to the mission by 10:15 and be able to follow by 10:30.  This will work.  Went to Dana Point and did the walk I did on Saturday.  This walk has a lot of stairs.  I had to keep telling myself I can do this.  I really have to push myself to do things and have the confidence.  I feel like I keep going round and round in my head.  It is tiring and old, but I have to keep moving forward.  I want to be an example to Marissa that you can do what you put your mind to.  Did not have time to go to the mission, so on the way home, stopped at Lee's Sandwich and got lunch for Marissa and I .  Came home, had lunch, took a nap and then headed for Marissa's counseling appointment.  Good appointment.  Stopped and got snack on the way home and then ran an errand at Target.  Came home, made dinner, watched The Biggest Loser and now I am going to go get Mari. Not as foggy tonight.  Mari just came out the door of her building, so we will head home.  I will do my reading and go to bed.

Good night.  Trudi

Doing my walk today in Dana Point.

Statue in Laguna on a walk that Mari and I took in Laguna Beach in October, 2012.

How?

Good Morning!

Today Mari has school from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m.   This picture is at the Mission Basilica at San Juan Capistrano.  I know she has some errands to do before class.  I am meeting with my mentor this afternoon and we are walking Dana Point Harbor.

My how questions are how to change my attitude to being positive from being negative?  I was raised with much negativity and then I married negativity.  I am tired of the negativity and I want to be more positive.  How do I live with someone who has a disability and who really doesn't want to take care of himself or at least that is the feeling I get?  He knows that he really cannot go back to the jobs that he has been doing.  How do we live on the money we get from the inheritance and have no extra income from him and continue to allow him to spend the way he wants to?  Am I not giving Rory credit for things?  Do I ignore Rory, as he really does know what is going on?  I am really starting to look at some things.  How do I give my tours and have the people in the tour enjoy themselves?  How do I step outside of the box with the things I do?  How do I not be bored with doing housework.  I know things can't always be exciting.  Let me just be content and know what does and what doesn't need to be changed.  Let me just sit with the feelings.  Am I running away?

Sweet Pea doing her new habit.

After we had lunch and watched Kitchen Nightmares, I worked on writing down my docent tour and then Mari and I headed for Laguna.  We went to Laguna Art Supply, then Zinc to get snack and then I took Mari to school and then I headed for Dana Point in the fog to go walking with my mentor.  Julie is a nice lady and I really enjoyed talking to her and walking with her.  On the way home, I stopped at Trader Joe's and then drove home.  Had dinner and Rory liked it.  Doing computer stuff and just having some quiet time, which is nice.  At 8:45, I will head for Laguna to pick up Mari.  Hopefully it is not too foggy.

Good Night, Trudi

How to let go of the anger?

Good Morning and it is a beautiful morning!

Mari and friend on a tour we took in October, 2012.

Lately I have been getting really tired about 9 p.m. and having problems doing my reading and staying awake.  Sometimes Rory will come down about 10.  Last night, I decided to fall asleep in the chair about 9:45 and I slept for about 30 minutes.  I went upstairs to go to bed and Rory started in on his thing about me not making time to talk to him, plus he did not like dinner, as the chicken did not have the skin on and it was not fried and he was not feeling well.  In the past I have made time to talk to him, as I have come upstairs 30 minutes earlier and we don't spend the time talking, in fact, it is more he talking to me.  I pan fry chicken and I have never used chicken with the skin on.  After things like this happen, I have a hard time going to sleep.  The next day, to him, it was not that big a deal and I am still holding on to it.  He told me today, he is just going to lay around in bed.  I do not trust what he says any more.  Yesterday morning, he told me, he was not going to this thing in LA and the next thing I know, he calls me and tells me he is going.  What he went to was some old movie actresses that were signing autographs for charity.  He made comments about their looks last night as well.  Most of us do not improve with age.  Thank you for letting me unload.

Today, Mari and I are going to church and I am not sure what the rest of the day is going to be.  I know the Super Bowl is on and because I live on the West Coast, I will be rooting for San Francisco, but I really don't care and I will probably not have the TV on, at least for the game and half time.

Mari and I left for church about 10:45 and sat in our new favorite place-The Terrace Cafe.  Two things I got out of the message was that I need to let go of things in the past and a question for myself-Am I going to church because I want to or am I going because I have to?  A couple of years ago, I got burnt out of church as I was going to Celebrate Recovery and I was there, Monday, Wednesday and Friday and then on Saturday or Sunday.  I really felt like I wanted to go back this year and I am glad I have.  Came home, took a nap and Marissa and I went to Trader Joe's to get some things for dinner for tonight and tomorrow.  Now I am going to spend some time on docent training and then make dinner.

These were clouds that Mari and I saw, when we were walking from the car to church.  Mari said, they reminded her of sea horses or musical notes and Marissa said they were ducks.  I agree with all.  What do you see?

Dinner set well with everyone.  YEA!  The girls and I watched "Kitchen Nightmare" while we ate dinner.  Rory came downstairs after the Super Bowl.  I did watch the last 11 seconds, when I found out what the score was.  Rory talked about his neuropathy.  I really wonder if he will really work toward getting better or, eventually, will I be dealing with someone not able to get around and no money.  What if I want to be near Mari?  How do you walk away from someone who really can't take care of themselves?  Tonight, I got to come upstairs and have time for myself.  Going to finish my computer stuff, read and go to bed.  Rory has a nutritional class tomorrow.

Good night.  Trudi

Dog training at the lake!  Not my dog!

Starting the weekend off right

Good Morning!  I probably could have slept later, but I have been setting the coffee maker in our room for 6.  I can take a nap somewhere during the day.  I am meeting a group to go walking in Dana Point at 10.  I am giving myself no excuses why I can't go to things early on a Saturday morning.  I used to use Mari as an excuse, but she is willing to get up and get going, so I am really the excuse.  The rest of the day is unsure.  I want to work on my station tours for my docent training and I might work on the storage unit box or my history blogs.  The picture is at Dana Point, two years ago at sunset.

Left here at 9:15 and headed for Dana Point.  Met up with the group and went walking.  It was nice to do a different route at Dana Point, so now I can switch between routes.  The same route over and over gets boring.  Had lunch at Coffee Importers and then started home.  I stopped by Staples, as I wanted a journal to put my station tours in, plus my whole tour and also to write how things go after I get certified.  Came home and took a nap in my own room, as Rory had gone to LA.  Now, I am going to work on my station tours and some more on missions, as I have had such great response to that blog-twentyonemissions.blogspot.com

What I saw on our walk this morning.

Mari and I made dinner and watched TV.  Rory came home in the middle of us watching TV and I took his dinner up to him on the tray.  Just doing my nighttime stuff.

Before I took my nap, I was reading a book that I had almost gotten to the end of.  I did finish it and one thing stuck out at the end of the book.  The book was called "End of Your Life Book Club" or something to that affect.  The author talks about something his mother instills in him and that is to make his bed.  That is something that has always bothered me.  Rory is always lying on the bed and I can never make it neat, except when he is gone.  I get to open the drapes in our room and let the light in.    I was talking to a friend the other day and she was saying that she could not be in the same bedroom with her husband, because of his lack of cleanliness and I understand that.  Both of our husband's have AS.

I am going to say good night.

This is my mother-in-law; who I did not get to meet until a year ago.  She is a wonderful lady and has been through a lot.

An enjoyable Friday

Good Morning!

This was taken 2 years ago at Dana Point Harbor.  The bird on the right is a Great Blue Heron.  I have learned so much since I quit appraising.  Never saw these birds before and never knew what they were called.  I was so focused on appraising, that I did not see the other things in life.  These birds have very large nests.

This is what I plan to do today.  I am doing my morning computer routine, then I will do a load of laundry and then I am going to work on a box from the storage unit.  My goal for this year is to get the storage unit more organized.  I will work on the storage box until lunch.  After lunch, I want to go to Los Rios and run some errands.  Los Rios is the oldest street in California and is near the mission.  It is peaceful there and I like to go walking there.  Mari can also take some pictures and I can get my photo of the day.  I want to work on Station Stops, which is part of my docent training.  I am going to put them on cards, so I can memorize them.  Then dinner and watching TV and reading blogs.  I like this kind of day.  Rory is gone for the majority of the day, so it will be relatively peaceful today.  He is having a procedure done to check for neuropathy in his legs.

Got my morning computer routine done and a load of laundry.  Worked on the storage unit box.  It is so much fun to hole punch pieces of paper and put them in file folders.  NOT!  Took a nap and then Rory called.  The way he described what they said, is his legs are anemic and they did not do the second part of the procedure, as they were afraid his legs might not heal from the injection.  Did some more of the filing.  This has to do with my father-in-laws trust and all the paper work from our attorney.  I am trying to put all of the paper work into stronger boxes.  The girls and I have had lunch and I was reading a blog about dream travel.  My list of places is the whole United States, Western Europe, Australia and New Zealand.  Mari is a little more daring than me and Marissa is similar to me.  Now we are headed for Los Rios.  Marissa is actually going with us.  YEA!

Had a great time at Los Rios and took some pictures.  Then went to Total Wine and then to Smart and Final.  We are now home and going to do some docent stuff.  I am frustrated with Rory; but, so, what else is new.  I hear things one way and he hears things another way.  When he had the procedure this morning, they told him he has anemia in his legs.  Much of what Rory deals with is all part of the diabetes and now the anemia.  Mari made dinner for Rory and I made dinner for us.  The girls of us watched TV and we are now having quiet time.  Going to do my night time routine.

Good night.  Trudi

This was taken in Old Town Orange back in October, 2012.