Change is hard and scary

As I said yesterday, I watched a program about a woman, who was 435 pounds and how she lost a lot of weight over a one year time frame. She set goals, but didn't always stick to them. I have set goals and things have changed or other people have been involved in this goal and I have not been able to accomplish the goal. My self-confidence has also gotten in the way of establishing the goal. My self-confidence appears to have gotten in the way of many things. During the night, I had a dream that we were having construction work done on our house and my feelings about it. Construction work is change and I am so glad the construction is over for awhile. No plans in the future for construction in this house. I know the construction work was meaning change. It is so much more comfortable to stay put or is it? I am finding things I enjoy doing and I do need to work on me. This is scary. I have actually set some goals. Starting in August, we are going to start walking two times around RSM Lake, which is 2.2 miles and in October we will walk Mission Viejo Lake one time a week, which is 3 miles. I will continue to do our other walking at the park. I am making a goal of being down 10 pounds by Christmas. I will hope for more, but at this point that is where I want to be. I know there needs to be other change, but for right now that is all I want to accomplish. This afternoon, as I was going through my emails, I came across one that about blew me away. I was kicked out of a meet up group for a question I asked. The question I asked was about food. We are going through a museum with a docent and the tour starts at 11:30 and ends at 2:30. Those times are right around lunch hour and after last weekend, I learned I need to eat at regular times. I asked if I could eat a sandwich after we meet and before the tour time and the answer I got was that everyone is taking care of their own food. That answer did not really give me the answer I wanted, so I asked the question a different way and the next thing I knew, I was out of the group. I emailed the person and called the person and she got back to me and told me that she had had another member ask a lot of questions and she was starting to see a pattern. One question and she is starting to see a pattern. I am starting to see a pattern and that is someone has a problem with communication. I have decided if I have another problem with this group, I will leave the group. She did reinstate me. This is one subject that frustrates me to no end. Communication! Give me all the information and people will not ask questions. She was stating that she gets 200 emails a day and she has to work. That is what you get when you are the organizer of a meetup group that has a lot of activities. She was also stating that my comment was going to 30 people and I said "OK" and that I was seeing all of the communication about paypal that she had with this one person. I have learned to go through my emails and edit them. I do not need to read every single email I get. Marissa was complaining tonight about having to go to group tomorrow night. I told her she is going, as I paid for this. The group is on relationship and dating and she says it is more on dating and she is not interested in dating. She wants all these things, but does not move forward. We seem to have this conversation many times. Good night, I am tired. Trudi