Monday, July 2, 2012

Fear and trust-Day 12

This morning I did my stretching exercises and I have increased my laps to three. I was listening to "Living on the Edge" this morning and they were talking about stagnation. I realize I deal a lot with fear. I need to take steps of faith and I need to ask God where he wants me to take this step of faith. I have three things to do today, well now, four. One has been done and that is to get the oil changed in my car. I really don't like to sit someplace for an hour, so Rory came down to get me and we went to get a new phone, as the phone upstairs is not working correctly. After being with him in the car for about an hour I was getting very uptight. As we were pulling out of the driveway of Big O, he was on the left and there was a person on the right, where Rory should have been and he said, can't that person just wait for me. Rory was trying to be polite for me and be on the left side. Rory did get to go first. When we got to one signal, he was asking, why can't the signal turn as there is nobody coming the other way. He has no patience, everything has to be done now. When we got to the phone place, the guy showed us the phones and Rory was going on and on about how the other phone doesn't work and about not buying phones at Target. Then he was asking about how you can dial a number on the telephone and it can show on the computer. Both the sales guy and I were looking like "what"! Rory has rules for everything. He would not back out, if someone was waiting to take his spot. Then we went to Starbuck's and as he was going through the parking lot, he really wasn't watching for people walking. He always has to be first. By that point, I had about had it and this was only an hour. We headed back to Big O and I got my car and came home. I deal a lot with fear and lack of self-confidence. I have ideas of things I want to do and I have a problem moving forward. I need to figure out what I am supposed to move forward with first. In some ways, I feel like I am stagnant, as I can't move forward until Mari graduates from college. Maybe, I am in a holding pattern at the moment. What do I need to learn, while I am in this holding pattern. I know I need to trust in the Lord.
I really want to drive Route 66 and see what is left and the country along this route. Hopefully the girls and I will get to do this next year. After we got home and I had lunch and took my nap and I was doing my usual routine, I knew I needed to run an errand and take a picture. Taking a picture once a day is getting me out of the house, but I do that anyway when I am running errands. I am bored with this area and it is being hard to come up with ideas of pictures. I am trying to get Mari into this 30-day challenge and we are having the same issue. I asked her to come up with a word without thinking about it. The word she came up with was "blah". I decided that we would go down to San Juan Capistrano to Los Rios and walk around. We both like the area and there was a Trader Joe's in the area as well. It was a nice afternoon out. I asked her who she felt like she was as an artist and what she really likes doing is culture and people. We were talking about areas that she liked to go to and we came up with several. I told her this weekend she has to plan the weekend and we will see where we go. While we were on vacation, the girls and I wondered how long it was going to be before we wanted to be traveling again and we came up with two weeks. It has been two weeks and I am getting antsy to get out of here again. I don't want to stay in this area. I do know I have responsibilities. The other thing that came up is 4th of July. A friend is having some friends and her family over for the 4th and then go to the street fair and then watch fireworks. This is what I wanted to do, if Rory had not invited his friend over. The daughter and granddaughter want to swim and I have no interest, so I am going to spend part of the day with my friend and part of the day at home. I am trying to be respectful of Rory and I would like to meet his friend. They are also coming over to pick up the couch and recliner. I need to take care of me and be strong. Good night, Trudi

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