Heart and work-Day 19

At night, before I go to bed I read The Bible and two other books. I am currently reading "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge and "the lost girls" by Jennifer Baggett, Holly C. Corbett and Amanda Pressner. In "Waking the Dead" the author talks about when it comes to the subject of loving others, you must know how to handle your own heart and you will know how to handle others. Mark 12:31 in the Bible urges us to love others as we love ourselves. Do I really love myself and if I don't, how do I love other people. I love to do things for others. I am really trying to work on loving myself. I know I love my daughters; in different ways, but it is hard for me to really be loving of others no matter what. It is easier to love Mari, than it is to love Marissa. If I don't know people, it is difficult for me to get close and care about others. I can care about people on the surface. I know on the exterior, I am caring and I like to do things for others, but if people get uncomfortable for me or if things get too much at home, I back away and go into my shell. I care about Rory as a person, but in how he takes care of himself, he makes me angry. He went to the doctor's today and he was told that possibly in five years he will not be walking. He really could do something about that, but I know he won't. He won't get out and exercise, he just likes to lay around and do nothing and that is not good for him. As everyone says, I need to take care of me. The other book, I am reading, called "the lost girls" brought up a subject about how much people have to work to succeed. A lot of companies expect you to work more than 8 hours a day and for me that is ridiculous. There is family time and work time, but I guess in this world, that does not exist. Why do things have to be over the top? I know I used to not know the word "no". My family and I suffered because of it. I got burnt out three years ago. There has to be moderation, even in order to succeed. "Slow down you move too fast". I am more enjoying life now, than I did when I was doing appraisals. I see more now than I ever used to. Photography has really opened my eyes to what is around me. When I did appraisals, I had tunnel vision. Since this is the only life I have, I want to enjoy my life and see the beautiful things that God has given us. Since yesterday was a home day, the picture for Day 18 reflects that:

Marissa wanted to go up to Los Angeles today and see the Sharon Tate house. Marissa loves movie history. We decided to go, but I also wanted to show her the Victorian homes in Angeleno Heights. We got lunch on the way and I mailed a letter for Rory. After we drove by, where the house used to be, we came down to Sunset Blvd and drove down Sunset, which was fun for Mari and me. Marissa was disappointed and I don't know what she expected. After Angeleno Heights, we started home. I needed to get some things for dinner and so we stopped by Trader Joe's. We also got a snack and then headed the rest of the way home. I need to go on line and find out if there is a way to find out where there is wall art in Los Angeles. Rory is complaining about dinner and that the hamburger was not well cooked. Minor detail he has been very uptight about a lot of things lately and he practically ate 1/2 of a container of salsa this afternoon with the Mexican food he got from Del Taco. I truly try to cook healthy. I will make him some tea in a few minutes. Good night, Trudi