Negative to positive-Day 13

I have a tendency to be negative. I feel like I am always complaining. I feel like I am more positive when I am not around Rory, but the more I am around Rory, the more negative I become. Rory is a very negative person. I also have a tendency to feel guilty, when I am doing something I want to do and I think it may be something that God doesn't want me to do. Tomorrow I am going to a friend's for part of the 4th and then come home for the rest of the 4th. I am trying to be respectful of Rory, but I know if I stay here all day, I will end up being the servant and I will have to put up with the TV going all afternoon. I don't know these people and they are really coming over to use the pool and move the furniture. Rory will just sit in the chair and watch TV and talk to Steve. The house got cleaned today, which I am thankful. This morning, I got some of my list done and then I needed to get to Target. I did talk to Kaiser regarding getting the girls health insurance and there will be no change until 2014. I had my snack and tried to take a nap. Kaiser called to remind me to get my blood pressure checked and then Marissa woke me up and said Rory was screaming. I had to go up and see what was going on with him. He ran out of the medication he needed, so he used a spray that he knows causes him pain. I gave him some lotion and that calmed down the pain. He wanted me to get some Medicated Vaseline and Target did not have any. The pharmacist recommended I go to Sports Chalet, which I did and they had something that everyone said was good. He will complain because that is not what he wanted and I did not go to CVS. I do not like going to CVS and I was going to Target. I was told yesterday to take care of me and that is what I am trying to do. Why do I always have to be the responsible one, while Rory gets to go have his kind of fun? I want to go out and travel and enjoy exploring, but I know there are responsibilities at home, such as Sweet Pea? Am I worthy? Day 12 picture:

This afternoon after the cleaners left it was nice just having the three of us in the house. Marissa had her relationship class tonight, so we left about 5. I am trying to find a faster way to get from our house to Newport and there does not seem to be one. I think Marissa was either excited about going or nervous, but she was driving Mari and I nuts with her non-stop talk. Mari and I went to dinner at a Greek place, that had good food, then we went into Barnes and Noble and I got some travel books. While we were at dinner, I got a text from a long time friend. With the chaos I live with, I communicate mostly on FB or I will text some people. I also have two built in friends at home. There are a lot of similarities between Rory and this friend and I don't need two people like this in my life. I did text her back. I feel guilty, because I am not more communicative, but this friend is not on FB and she does not like to talk while I am in the car, which is sometimes where I have the most privacy. There seems to be too many restrictions and I don't need any more restrictions in my life. I see and talk to the people I want to in my life. Got home about 9 and I am tired. Going to do my reading and go to bed. Good Night Trudi