Thursday, July 26, 2012

Why do I have to be responsible?

Woke up about 3 and realized that Rory was not in bed. He was downstairs watching TV. He gets so stressed over this court case with Leah. I know he wants it over and so do I and I am thankful that we have a great attorney handling it, but I am going on with life and Rory is stuck in one place. Finally got up at 6:30 and got ready. Forgot to turn off the fan and turn on the coffee maker. Started to beat myself up over it and then questioned what I was doing. I turned off the fan and started the coffee maker when I got out of the shower. Rory is leaving this morning for Palm Springs to use up points and to hide away. Went walking with Mari 5 laps around the park, plus I lost another half pound. I keep focusing on what will happen when I get to a plateau. I want to lose this weight, but don't believe I can do it. If I look at it over a period of a year-70 pounds is 6 pounds per month. Yesterday, I said I need to set goals. I don't set goals, because I don't believe I can attain them or something gets in the way of attaining them, so I just take each day. Had breakfast and did house stuff. Rory wanted some help with something he could do for himself. Our attorney called and needed some things, which I sent him later in the morning. Of course, the part he needed, we didn't have, because the bank never sent it to us. Of course, I had to handle it, because Rory was not here, but I would have had to handle it anyway, as I keep the records. I am tired of always being responsible, I want someone to take care of me, and I know in many ways that is not possible. Mari and I had this discussion the other day. This afternoon, the girls and I went out to run errands-Mari and I got hair trims and I got on Marissa's case, because I know in a couple of weeks, she will need her bangs trimmed. Marissa got upset with me, because she felt, I had been getting on her case all day. She does dishes and I expect the counters to be cleaned off totally. Yes, there are certain things that stay on the counters, but she knows what needs to be put away. She also brings up about when she moves out on her own and I don't see that happening anytime soon. I gave her something to do and I haven't seen her doing it. She says she is doing it. We are all having alone time now, which I really enjoy. Made dinner with salmon, couscous and veges. Watching TV and working on my pictures. Talked to Rory regarding what was going on with our attorney. He wants to constantly be in control and I took control of this. I told him, he needed to do something on Monday. He is going to the dentist on Monday and he told me he would not be able to do what he needs to do. Sometimes you have to fight through the pain and stop making excuses. Tonight, I got worried about Mari as she was feeling lightheaded. I had this feeling she had had not enough protein and too much sugar. Made her a smoothie with a lot of protein and also a piece of cheese. That seemed to help. Need to close up the house and go to bed. Getting late for me. Going to enjoy the time while Rory is gone. Good Night, Trudi