Anger, frustration and hurt

Good Morning! Got up at my usual time and doing my normal routine! I have been reading a couple of devotionals that I have kept from Pastor Rick Warren on anger. He asks three questions-Why am I angry, what do I really want and How can I get it? I have anger, frustration and hurt at Rory. Rory is a dependent, irresponsible, selfish person and that is definitely not the type of person I wanted to marry, but I did. I want a mate who is independent, motivated and responsible. I don't know if Rory could be that type of a person. We both have changed over the years. It is sad what our marriage has become. The other questions he asks is-Am I hurt, am I afraid, do i feel threatened or like I am going to lose something of value, and the last question is, am I frustrated. My answer to two questions is yes, to one question is somewhat yes and one is maybe. I need to get Rory's breakfast before I get Mari up at 8, so we can go walking. She was exhausted last night when I picked her up. The only thing we have planned for today is to get our hair cut. Mari and I did our usual walk, came home and had breakfast. Doing my typical morning routine. Had lunch and then the girls and I went out and ran errands. Yea, I got my hair cut. It was getting too bushy and now it is the way I like it. Having quiet time. Peacefulness:

Pastor Rick's next devotional on anger uses Roman 12:2 as his verse and then he talks about the way we act is determined by the way we feel and the way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we have to change the way we think. Questions are Do I enjoy getting angry?, Does it produce the intended results when I get angry? Could I get the same results in a more effective way? How would I be different? How serious am I about getting control of my anger. I especially see this in Rory and somewhat in my myself. Angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am. This has been interesting reading and there are more devotionals on anger. Mari made our dinner of Pizza Hamburgers and I made dinner for Rory. It's Friday and that means it is steak night for him. Not much on TV tonight, so we are just hanging out! Will do my reading at 9 and go to bed at 10. Sweet Pea decided this afternoon, she wanted to sleep on my office chair and I decided to put her blue blanket over the top of the chair, which made a cave for her, which she liked.

The second full moon of the month of August, otherwise known as a blue moon.

Differences

Good Morning! Up around 6 and doing my morning routine. Mari has to be at school at 10, which means we have to leave at 9:15 a.m., which means no walk for the two of us this morning. I am going down to Dana Point and walk by myself. Last night, Rory came down and wanted to talk about how he used the chunk of money that he got from the trust. I still feel he is very irresponsible with money and he doesn't get it! Losing battle, so I need to move on. He still wanted to talk, when I came to bed last night, as he wanted to talk about what he had been thinking about. I do not need this at 10 p.m. at night, when all I really want to do is go to sleep. He has a problem when he gets back from Vegas with the more humid climate, so I really did not get the best of sleep. This is really when I am glad I don't have a regular job. Mari is up, so I had better get breakfast going for at least three of us. Got Mari to school by 10 and then I drove down to Dana Point Harbor and went walking. I have not done this walk in quite a while, so it was nice to go back. I will just be glad when it gets cooler and less humid! On the way home, I went to Smart and Final to get some groceries. Today's schedule is mixed up, but similar, which is fine. Every time, I turn around, Rory is talking to me or calling me and talking to me non-stop, which is getting really annoying. Rory and his having to do everything now is getting annoying. He HAD to go pay union dues today and then he HAD to go get his uniform today. He has not passed the physical as yet. The uniform is going to take 3 weeks to get from China, because of his size and he cannot return it, if he does not pass the physical. They were supposed to send a letter out on Monday with information concerning his physical, which they have not done as yet. Came home, put groceries away, had lunch and then took a short nap. Finished doing my house stuff, as I had done some of it, before I left to take Mari to school. Getting some quiet time, which is really nice.

About an hour after I took the above picture, I looked out the window and saw this:

Today is Farmer's Market, so I went over to where they have it. I am splitting this with a friend of mine and we both bought some other things, then we went out to dinner, which was fun. Came home and now I am waiting for Mari to call, so I can go pick her up. She is going to be very tired tonight. If she does not call by 9, I am going to leave and go down and wait for her to get out of class. I will say good night now. Trudi

Patience and calmness

Good Morning! Patience and calmness is what I need today. Rory comes home from Vegas today. When the girls and I are home by ourselves, it is calm. When Rory is home, we all sort of live on pins and needles. We never know when he is going to come out of our room and ask for something or just non-stop talk. I have decided I will make meals, as I really don't want him to come downstairs and interrupt my calmness. I get tired of talking about money and what he is going to do everyday, as it always changes. Sometimes he is interested in what I am doing, but he really does not listen and if he does listen, it is not for long.

I was up at around 6 and did my morning routine in peace. Took care of Sweet Pea and doing what I do before I get Mari up. She does not have school today. The house is getting cleaned today and the girls and I are going to go get new pants today. Got Mari up around 8 and we went for a walk. Did 7 laps around the park and one piece of equipment. Came home and had breakfast. Did my emails and house stuff. Took a nap. Had lunch. Rory called this morning and said he was feeling much better. He was dehydrated and exhausted. The cleaning people are here, so I will get my house cleaned. Mari and I went out to "Old Navy" to get jeans. I have always been a little hesitant to buy jeans, but I actually comfortably fit into a size 20. I am pleased. I am going to continue to work at my exercise and healthy eating. Mari is making a smoothie for both of us. Rory got home about 4:30. I need to say this as this has been typical of our entire marriage. He told me, when he got home that he stopped by the bank to put some money in the bank and he was complaining because his social security check would not clear until September 4. I was wondering why he was complaining because he got a sizable check the last time we got money from the trust. Then I found out. He has very little in the bank and I asked him what he had done with the rest and he said he had paid bills. I just wonder how much he has been charging or taking cash advances. He hides his credit cards from me and says, he wants somethings of his own. This just frustrates me to no end. Anyway, moving on, I have finished my blog about Getty Villa and put it in gypsymomvirtualconcierge.blogspot.com. Mari is now making dinner. I am so thankful that Mari likes to cook. Dinner was great and the girls and I watched TV, while we had dinner. I love the "Property Brothers" and now they have a new show called "Buy and Sell". Great show. Having quiet time and at 9, Mari and I are going to watch "Haunted Collector". Then I will go to bed.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Good Morning! Up around 6 and doing my morning routine. I love this time of the morning, when I get quiet. Last night, I called Rory on my way to pick up Mari. At first he didn't answer the phone. He called me back and he was down in the casino and he was feeling better. I wish he would take care of himself, but he won't, so why I should care. I need to take care of myself. Today it is supposed to be about 95 degrees. Mari and I did 7 laps around the park with our walking friend. Came home and Mari made breakfast-pumpkin pancakes. Love the blog titled "Peanut Butter and Peppers". Did my emails and house stuff and then took a nap. Better get lunch, as we have to leave here at 12:15 to get Mari to school on time. She has psychology this afternoon. Took Mari to school and on the way home went to Target. Trying to do shopping for two days, as all we are going to do tomorrow is get pants at Old Navy, so that Mari can focus on getting homework done. Had some quiet time this afternoon, which was nice and then went back down to Laguna to get Mari. Came home, made dinner and watched news about the hurricane. I have seen our temperature anywhere from 90-97 degrees. The girls and I are just hanging out until 9, when "Face Off" is on. At one time today, it looked like we could get rain, but we never did. Gave us some beautiful clouds and should be a beautiful sunset. Prayer request for my friends, who are dealing with health issues. Good night, Trudi

A new semester starts-Trip #10-Taking the train across Canada

Good Morning! Up around 6 and did my morning routine. Sweet Pea is acting more like her normal self, which I am glad. I have to remember she is a 13 year old cat and she deal with arthritis in her back legs. It was a nice day out yesterday with Mari, as we went to the Getty Villa and then took a drive up to Mulholland Highway and drove part of the way home that way. I love to drive back roads and it was an interesting and beautiful! Mari and I did our morning walk and then came home and had breakfast. Did my emails and house stuff. Took a nap. Rory has been a Vegas this past weekend and he was supposed to come home tomorrow. He just called to say he is not coming home till tomorrow, as he needs a couple of days to relax, after having been busy for three days, with no time to relax. He was in the jacuzzi and he almost fell asleep and got dizzy. An EMT who works at the spa, checked him out and his electrolytes were low. Now I need to get lunch, so I can get Mari to school on time. Mari starts fall semester today. I have always wanted to go across Canada, because of the mountains and the beautiful country I have seen in pictures. I have been to Vancouver, Victoria, Quebec and Montreal, but have not been in between. My trip #10 would be taking the train across Canada, especially through the mountains. Got Mari to school on time. Today she has Maya and Art History and will be at school from 2-10. Marissa and I stopped at Trader Joe's on the way back and got stuff for dinner for the two of us. We got Marissa a bike on Saturday, so we needed to get her a helmet, which is what we did. The three girls of us have always had problems with hats fitting our heads and we had a problem with getting a helmet for her. We had to get her a Universal Extra Large. Came home and made snack and Marissa wants to go out and try her bike. She did try her bike and with more practice, I know she will be riding. Both Marissa and I had some quiet time. Mari's class went until 5:50, so I didn't have to go back to LCAD. I made dinner and it was nice just making dinner for the two of us. Watched a little bit of TV and now we are both doing our own thing. I have to leave at 9, unless I hear from Mari before that, then I will come back and go to bed. Good night, Trudi

Stop and smell the roses!-Trip #9-Florida

Good Morning! I did not get up until 7, as Rory is out of town and Mari and I decided to take a break today. I took a test last night and I am mild ADHD, not surprised. Did my morning routine upstairs. I have come to realize that my bedroom is not relaxing to me, as there is so much stuff in our room. I totally enjoyed the quiet this morning, even though I had The Weather Channel on and was watching the news about Tropical Storm Isaac. Came downstairs to do my routine with Sweet Pea. She is having problems with her back legs, which is not unusual, but this morning it is worse. Will keep an eye on her. Rory called at 8 and he finally got to Vegas, last night about 9:45 p.m. Did my reading and got my breakfast. Doing morning stuff! The girls and I are going out this afternoon running errands. I realized why I don't really like movies, plays and concerts. I have to sit still for a period of time. I feel like I always have to do something. I was feeling like I had to daily write in my virtualconcierge blog, but I don't. Right now, I am writing about John Spreckels, who had influence in San Diego. I will do my research, write what I want to say and take pictures and then put it up on the blog when I am ready. This is supposed to be fun! Today's trip is to Florida and not the theme parks. Would love to see St. Augustine and the Keys because of the history. Love to be along the ocean and take pictures. I don't know if I would want to go there right now with Tropical Storm Isaac or the Republican Convention. Got my nap, had lunch of a Lean Cuisine, some veges and a piece of fruit. Watching The Weather Channel about Isaac. I have a friend who just got off a cruise and is trying to fly home today, instead of tomorrow. Just going through some computer stuff and when Mari is ready, we are going to run errands and stuff! Got my errands done, including getting a bike for Marissa. This was something she asked for, for her birthday. Still need to get her a helmet. Will get dinner shortly. Mari made a great dinner and now we are just hanging out watching TV. Going to do my reading at 9 and turn off the light at 10. Have a good evening. Trudi

Changes coming/Trip #8-Texas

Good Morning! We have fog this morning and it is nice and cool. Rory has the air conditioning on, as he does not handle the humidity well and I don't handle dry air very well. Doing my morning routine. Rory is off for an orientation for a new job that we really don't know too much about, as he applied for this several years ago and he recently got a letter from them. There are several possibilities for this job and we will know more later today. After the orientation, he is headed for Vegas for a tournament, so the girls and I will get a break this weekend. This will be Mari's last weekend of summer, as she starts school on Monday. The repairman is coming today to, hopefully repair the refrigerator. He is supposed to be here between 1 and 5 and if history repeats itself, he will be here closer to 5 than 1, but we will see. Mari and I took our walk and did one piece of equipment. We have a new walking partner, who walks about the same time as we do. Came home and Mari made breakfast. We had strawberry french toast. YUM! Now to go on with house stuff! Got a nap! Did an errand and came home for lunch. There is a market near us that I love going to, as they have awesome prices on produce and they have a great meat market. Got some scallops for lunch today and tilapia for dinner tonight. For lunch, I had a scallop salad. Need to use the veges I get from the farmers market. Rory called and he is still in an orientation and it sounds like he will be working. YEA! I feel sorry for him, as after he gets out of the orientation, he is driving to Vegas. Long day and lots of traffic! It is 2:30 p.m. and we are still waiting for the repairman. Trip #8-Texas-I have been to Houston, so not really wanting to go there again. San Antonio, I would like to see and of course, the Alamo, since I am the history addict. Want to go to Dallas, mainly to say, I have seen it and from what I have seen on TV, I would like to see Austin. Once I actually go, I am sure I could come up with other places to see. The repairman got here for the refrigerator and it is fixed. YEA! Talked to Rory between 2:30 and 3 and he was just leaving Long Beach and headed for Vegas. LONG drive! I talked to him about 4:30 and he was just getting to the 15. Friday afternoon traffic, yuk! Rory has to get through a physical next week and then a training class the following week. He may be going back to working 40 hours a week, we shall see! The rest of today is ours. Good news today! After the repairman left, I had this feeling like I just wanted to get out of the house and go somewhere. I was tired of being stuck in the house. Why do I have to constantly focus on what I need to do next. Sometimes, when I am reading, my mind is somewhere else. I am very rarely content. Am I dealing with ADD? The rest of the evening I am going to go through some of my old emails, do some reading and go to bed about 10. Mari and I have decided to take a down day and not go walking tomorrow. I am going to wish everyone a good night. Trudi

Having to deal with emotions and not pushing them away/The southeast-Trip #7

Good Morning! Doing my usual morning routine. During the night, I made the decision that I am going out once a month and help my friend for an hour or two. I need to deal with this and not keep people at arms length. It is ok to cry and express emotion and not keep it all bottled up. Mari and I did our 6 laps around the park and our two pieces of equipment. Certain things are getting easier, so it is time to up the amount. Came home and had breakfast and did my emails and house stuff. Had a nap. I am so glad I do not have to work, because I don't know what I would do if I didn't have those times. Doing some computer stuff and about to get lunch. Trip #7 would be to North and South Carolina to see friends and the Biltmore Estate. Love old, big houses and to see Charleston to see the historic part especially. Love history, love old architecture. I would probably see some of the coast, as I love the ocean. I would also go to Savannah, Georgia. Anywhere where there is history and architecture and the ocean and you will find me there. I like peacefulness as well and I also know there are horse farms in this area that I would like to see; so that would mean going to Tennessee and Kentucky. I would want to see relatives in Tennessee as well. A picture of peacefulness:

After lunch, Marissa and I went out running errands. We went to Target first and got the things that were on my list. She wanted to go back to the DVD area, which was fine and I told her I would come back and find her. Couldn't find her at first, so I called her and she was trying to find a game she could play on her Mac. The people at Target, told her she could go on line. I told her she didn't need to get a game, she needed to find something with a purpose to do. She is an adult and not going to school. She wants to do all these things, but does not start anything. She can live at home, but she needs to understand, when she says something about living in London or wherever, I have a right to ask her how she is going to do that. We went by the Farmer's Market and picked up my produce box from Tanaka farms. I love getting this box, as it makes me eat more produce. Came home and made a smoothie and put the chicken in a marinade, then I had some alone time, which has been nice. Mari was very tired, so she took a nap, while we were gone. Mari made a very healthy dinner for us, thanks to "Peanut Butter and Peppers". Watched TV, but don't want to spend my entire evening watching TV, so I turned off the TV and I am trying to find other things to do. Will do my reading at 9 and go to bed at 10. Good night, Trudi

Hurting and frustrated/Trip #6-off to the historical East Coast

Good Morning! I did my morning routine and this is the morning we walk the lake, which means getting Mari up at 7:30. I did my stretching exercises. I have had issues with my knee hurting for quite a period of time and there are days, I just get tired of it. I have also been having issues with my elbow hurting and now I am having issues with my shoulder blade. After we took our walk, my shoulder blade did not hurt, but then it came back. Finally took some Motrin and for now, the pain has gone away. I am doing some exercises at the park to work my upper body and that may be causing some of the pain in my shoulder. Trying to be good and this is what I get. While we were walking the lake, Rory called me and said he had gotten some bad news and I told him I would call him back later, as I really did not want to talk to him right then. We stopped at Starbucks and got oatmeal and Mari went over to the store and got some milk for Rory, as our refrigerator is not working well and his milk had gone bad. When I did call him back, found out that he was having a problem with Social Security and, of course he had to take care of it now! He wanted me to stop my walk and go by McD's and get him breakfast and bring it home right then. By the time I got home, the problem had almost been taken care of. I told him to eat breakfast and then go out and take care of the problem. Which is what he did and the problem got solved. I got my emails taken care of and house stuff done. Since I don't have laundry to do, I am going to take a load of things to the Goodwill, which have been piling up. Trash emptied, plants watered, nap taken and now to take care of financial stuff. Then I am going out and take pictures for my other blog-gypsymomvirtualconcierge. I need to call a friend tonight and check on her to see how she is doing. She has been through breast cancer, heart problem and now the cancer is back and she has done radiation and now back to chemotherapy. She lives by herself and I worry about her. Trip #6-Trip to the Historical East Coast. I love history and seeing history. When we went to Washington D.C., I loved it. This trip would be going from Boston, Massachusetts to Washington, D.C. Cactus flower from our walk this morning:

Mari and I had a great afternoon out. First, we went to the Laguna Coast Wilderness Park. Originally I was taking some pictures and then Mari found out that there would be a Bird of Prey exhibit. We went to the visitor center and found out when the exhibit is and then we took a short walk. I have a fear of being out on trails in nature. A couple of years we came across a rattlesnake on a truck trail near here. With all the walking we are doing, I want to be able to go out and walk in nature and not be afraid. With my knee, I know, I cannot go up and down hills, but I find nature peaceful and I want to be able to enjoy being in nature. After we left there, we went by Mari's school and took a picture of the wall art at LCAD. Then we went to get a smoothie and then took the long way home. Dropped stuff off at Goodwill. I don't really want to buy much, with the refrigerator and freezer being the way it is. Got home and made dinner and watched TV. I called Val and our conversation upset me. I am trying to not be selfish. Val would like me to help out periodically. Emotionally, I am exhausted, from what I deal with at home. Can I help her? Through this whole process, I have been able to not have to deal with her illness up close and now she is asking me to come out and help. Towards the end of our conversation Rory came down and wanted to talk and I really didn't want to talk to him. I really wanted to be left alone, to do what I wanted. I do and don't want to keep people at a distance. I am tired of dealing with my emotions or maybe I don't want to deal with my emotion. What do I also really have time for and how much energy to deal with. It's been an emotional night. Watching "Haunted Collector" with Mari and then I am going to bed. Good night, Trudi

Trying to hurry the week up and plantations in the south-Trip #5

Good Morning-It is not getting as light as early in the morning and I am having difficulty getting up at 6. I do not use an alarm. My body is my alarm. Got my morning routine done. Need to make Rory's breakfast before we go walking. Today is cereal day. I do cereal with greek yogurt and berries and today we get sausage with our breakfast. Not much planned for today, so we will see where the day goes, other than normal stuff. My trip for today is the plantations in the south. I would fly into New Orleans and do some exploring around New Orleans. I have been to New Orleans before, but it has been awhile. We would drive on Highway 61, which would take us near Oak Alley and Myrtles Plantation and Natchez. Part of my family has a plantation in Natchez. Not sure where else I would go, but I love big old homes and the architecture and the history. I know Marissa wants to go to Oak Alley and Myrtles. I am sure there are some other old plantations in this area. Any other ideas? Mari and I did our walk and exercises. Had breakfast. Doing emails and will start laundry and house stuff in a little bit. I finished the laundry in two days, now I can do something else in the house. Rory's plans have changed already, as he has to go to Signal Hill to pick up something and then to Long Beach to find out the building, where he has to go on Friday for an orientation. I have really learned to just ride with the flow or have I? Finished doing house stuff, took a nap, had lunch and then ran errands with Mari. I had one of those errand days with lots of places to go and not much to get at any one place. Came home, made a smoothie and worked on computer stuff till dinner time. I wrote on my other blog-gypsymomvirtualconcierge.blogspot.com. I have this tendency to make things bigger than they are and I have to remember to keep things simple. I know that every career field has their own lingo and I have to remember I am just starting this. I want to know how I can learn more. Tonight, I have been feeling very frustrated and then Mari just said, "Mom, keep it simple"; and someone else said to me, how much she enjoyed my pictures. I have to go back and look at what I want to do and keep it there. Travel, write, take pictures and learn/explore. Need to do my reading early tonight, as Mari has a program she wants to watch and I am going to watch it with her. Good night, Trudi

Need to learn and Trip #4-drive up 101 and down 395

Good Morning! Got up at my usual time and did my morning routine! Yesterday and today I have put on tops and realized the exercise and weight loss are really beginning to show. Last night I watched "Extreme Makeover-Weight Loss Edition". Every time I see that program it inspires me to keep going. Rory, as I expected, is only going to go to counseling another two weeks. Mainly he is going to this therapist, to have someone that will listen to him talk, as he really has no one else. The more I blog, the more I am realizing, I really need to learn more about computers and computer language, but I am not sure where to go to learn this. I am going to take a class in October about blogging, but I would really like to start learning before that. Nothing really scheduled for today, except Rory is going to try to get his car to do something so he can show the people at the dealership what it is doing. I may go back to Laguna to take some more pictures for my other blog-gypsymomvirtualconcierge.blogspot.com. Trip #4 takes me as far up 101 as I want to go and that would probably be to San Francisco. I would much prefer driving up the coast than on Interstate 5, as I love the coastline. In San Francisco, I would get on Interstate 80 and drive over to Lake Tahoe and come down Highway 395. 395 goes along some beautiful country and it is also historical. My two favorite things to see, the coast and the mountains. Mari and I did our 6 laps around the park and two of the pieces of equipment. Came home and Mari made pancakes-Strawberrgy and Coconut pancakes. Yummy! Doing emails and about to do laundry, trash and water the plants on the patio. Then I am going to take a nap. Not sure what the afternoon will bring. I know I need to run some errands. We had Parmesan pork chops last night with veges and they were good. This is a picture of the pancakes-one turned out like a heart. The strawberries were on top.

After we had lunch, I decided to go back to Laguna and take some more pictures. Had a good time all by myself. Took pictures of where they have Pageant of the Mssters, a picture of the building where they have The Sawdust Festival and the building where they have the Art-a-Fair. Rode on the free trolley and then came back to my car and went to Smart and Final to get some groceries. For lunch, I made a salad with zucchini, lettuce, carrots, white cheese, scrambled eggs and some turkey meat. It was good. Made a yummy smoothie for snack. I am having fun finding smoothie recipes in "Peanut Butter Fingers" and "Peanut Butter and Peppers". Now, I am getting some quiet time in the house. In about a half hour, I will start dinner. Mari made some bread that we saw today on "Peanut Butter and Pepper" The bread had avocado, blueberries, bananas and zucchini. I made dinner with sausage, rice, onion, green beans, onion soup and chicken broth and stewed tomatoes. Watched some TV and mainly hanging out. Marissa is feeling stressed as she does not really want to go this workshop on relationships tomorrow. Tomorrow night is the last one. I will be glad when this is over. I am backing away, she has to make decisions as to what she is going to do. I have tried several things and gotten no where. She wants to move to England, but she can't do that, unless she starts working or getting out of this house. I am tired tonight, so I will say good night. Trudi

Why and a trip to Chicago and back on Route 66

Good Morning! Up at my normal time. Did my morning routine. Things are becoming too much for Rory. His car needs to have something fixed. The refrigerator needs to be checked out and he thinks something is wrong with the a/c and it is not. Last night, he was going from sweating to chills. He wanted me to come up and check up on him and in reality, we had communicated many times during the day. I was trying to tell him to drink more water and he wants me to come up and give him the water. I am taking care of me and I will handle the refrigerator and get someone to come out and do a check up on the a/c. He wants me to handle his car. I cannot do everything. I want a mate, who is responsible and independent and I, somehow, have to remember that Rory is not that person. I am so thankful that Mari and I support each other. I know Marissa cannot do that for me. Why do I have to be the responsible one? It is a beautiful sunny Sunday morning and Mari and I are going over to the park and walk 6 laps. This afternoon Mari and I are going to Laguna to get some supplies for school for her and walk around and take some pictures for my virtual concierge blog. Need to make breakfast for Rory, so better get going. In my new routine with food, I am learning that I need to cut down on the carbs. Usually at dinner, we have a protein, vegetables and a carb. I am going to start cutting out the carbs at dinner and have a protein and a vegetable. I have been trying to cut out the dessert at dinner and making my dessert a piece of fruit. I am also going to have at lunch a salad with a protein, instead of a sandwich. Making wise choices and caring about me is the important thing. Trip #3-Off for Chicago we go, do some exploring in Chicago and then head back for Los Angeles on Route 66. I have been at the airport many times, but never explored the city. As far as Route 66, this is a route I want to drive, as I love history. We would make one minor detour and go up to Kansas City, MO and see friends. Mari and I did our 6 laps around the park and also we did 2 pieces of the equipment. There was a whole bunch of dragonflies at the park, which was interesting. Came home, made breakfast, did house stuff, took a nap, had lunch and then Mari and I headed for Laguna. There was traffic, but I have seen it worse. Went to the art store and then walked over to Whole Foods and got dinner and saw someone Mari knew at Saddleback College. She also used to work at Trader Joe's, then she sort of disappeared. A while ago I saw her at Starbucks. It was nice to see her at Whole Foods. This Whole Foods, Mari goes to quite often during the school year, so hopefully they can meet up again. Walked down to Main Beach and took some pictures. A lot of people at the beach. Walked up Laguna Canyon and headed back to the car. We decided to go to a yogurt place and get smoothies. Then headed back home and am now getting quiet time until dinner. We are having pork chops and veges for dinner. Pictures from our trip to Laguna:

Dinner was delicious and we watched a program Mari likes called "Call of the Wildman" After the program we decided to turn off the TV and do our own thing. About 9, I will do my reading and head for bed about 10, unless Rory decides to come downstairs. Good night! Trudi

Shaky self-confidence/Trip #2-Denver, Santa Fe, Albuquerque and Flagstaff

Good Morning! I got up around 6 and did my morning routine; including my exercises. Mari got up around 7:30. We are both down 6 pounds. Today was walk the lake day, which means 2.2 miles. I have been having dreams about not being able to do things, that is why the title-shaky self confidence; but I have to remember that I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength and I have to also remember that I can do whatever I put my mind to. I have dealt with so much negativity in the past, but I need to move forward and be positive. Mari and I went to Starbucks and got oatmeal and then came home and made breakfast for all of us. Now I am working on emails. My goal for today is to get our Washington, D.C. trip into a book. I have done house stuff. It is nice to have the laundry done and be able to do something else. I think I will keep trying this. I got an email today from a friend who lives in Arizona and is planning to move to the San Diego area. I thought she was moving the first of the year, but it turns out she is moving next month. I am looking forward to her being here. Rory had gone to the store to buy some things for him. Mari and I do the cooking in this house and plan the menus. I really try to cook healthy, so he buys Hamburger Helper and some hamburger meat. I know what he is going to tell me, is that this is for times when he doesn't like what we eat and we have to make two meals. Major frustration! One for us and one for him. After we had lunch, Mari and I went to the Mac store, to get something she needed for school and then we went to Trader Joe's. Tonight for dinner, I am doing meat with risotto and veges. Came home! This heat is getting me and it wipes out my energy. After we left Irvine Spectrum, we looked at the 5 freeway going south and it was bumper to bumper traffic. I am glad I decided to not go anywhere this weekend. Right now I am just enjoying some quiet time! I am writing a blog, but I would really like to grow in this and I feel like I am starting something totally new and I am scared. Walking into something new is very scary. I know I would love to blog and take pictures and be able to travel and share about where I go and also the history. This is mainly where the shaky self-confidence is coming from as I am walking into something totally new. I have walked Rancho Santa Margarita Lake many times, but I have never seen anyone catch a fish before. I have seen lots of people fishing, but never saw anyone catch a fish:

Mari and I got to talking about working through our insecurities and I came to realize how much the four of us really struggle with that. My goal today was to get our D.C. trip into a book, so I had better get to it. My second trip is to drive to Denver, then to Santa Fe and Albuquerque, New Mexico and back home through Flagstaff, AZ. I would have to drive through Las Vegas, NV; which doesn't thrill me, but after leaving Las Vegas, you continue to drive on 15 and then get on to 70, which takes you across the beautiful state of Utah. Arches National Park is close to the 70 and then you enter Colorado and the beautiful Rocky Mountains. I love the mountains and I love National Parks. I have driven this part of the trip before and there is some beautiful country. After you leave Denver, you drive down I-25 to Santa Fe and Albuquerque, New Mexico. I have never been to these two places before, but have seen them on TV and would love to further explore them. Then we would head back on I-40, which is part of Route 66(which is something else I want to do). I am a history lover and that is the reason I want to do as much of Route 66 as I can. We would get into Flagstaff, which is a city I like, as it is close to the mountains and then head down 17 to the 10 and head home. I am not a big desert fan, but these areas have some beautiful country attached to them. I am really enjoying the time I have in the afternoon to work on stuff. Mari and I have decided on Wednesday that we are going to install Time Capsule. I did accomplish my goal today of doing a photo book for our Washington D.C. trip. Starting tomorrow I am going to start working on my travel blog and writing it. The first one is going to be about Laguna Canyon Road and I am going to call myself Gypsy Mom-The Virtual Concierge. I am looking forward to that. The rest of tonight, I am going to upload pictures, read and maybe do some writing. Tonight, I just came to realize, how Rory does not handle things that are broken. His car is still giving him fits and I have also been realizing that the refrigerator is not keeping things really cold. It is cool, but not cold. I am going to call Home Depot tomorrow and see if they can send someone out on Monday. This is being too much for him and he was complaining that it was too warm downstairs. We had just gotten done making dinner in the kitchen and it was warm in the kitchen and nice and cool in the living room. He wanted the a/c at 60 degrees. I am not going to freeze in my own house. I really do not like, when he gets into one of these moods. I am going to say good night. Trudi

Nothing to do and #1 of Top Ten trips

Good Morning! I got up at 6 and enjoyed a beautiful sunrise. Did my morning routine, including my morning stretches. One of those is 60 leg ups and I am seeing the results of this. YEAH! Need to get going on Rory's breakfast, before Mari gets up and we go walking. Mari and I did our six laps around the park, as well as two pieces of equipment. Came home and had a breakfast of cereal and sausage. Did emails and house stuff, took a nap and now going to work on the check book. Oh such fun! The house is quiet as Rory has gone to see our financial advisor. I have been non-stop going all week and preferred to stay home. Our financial advisor and I think along the same page, so I don't worry about not going. A new part to my blog are trips I would like to take. I have traveled quite a bit in the United States and Europe, but my main focus is really to see the big and small towns of the United States by driving or train. My first trip is really to conquer my fear and that is to take the train from Los Angeles to Seattle in a family room on the train. Going from Los Angeles to Seattle takes about 34 hours on the train and I would have to sleep on the train. During the day, I can ride on the train with no problem with motion sickness. Everyone tells me to be on the bottom floor and there is less motion. We would then rent a car in Seattle and also go back to Vancouver and Victoria and then drive back 101 and stop where we want to see things. Of course, I would be taking the girls with me and I would love to show them the beauty of Vancouver and Victoria. The girls love England and in Victoria, there are many places that would remind them of England and it would be a lot closer than flying all the way to England. I love the ocean and driving down the West Coast is something else I want to do. Mari and I drove from San Francisco to near Eureka, CA and I would love to go back there and further explore. The area between Seattle and Eureka, CA, is an area I have really never explored. Mari is making dinner, so we went to Target to get the things she needs, then came home. My goal for today was to get the pictures for our Paso Robles trip into a book, which I have accomplished. I want to finish the rest of the pictures I have to edit from this summer and put our DC trip into a book. I have finished editing all of the pictures that I took this summer. Then I want to install Time Line and then really working on blogging and learn some new things about blogging. Sunrise from this morning:

Dinner was great-it was pork chops with carrots and a strawberry and creme smoothie! Watched "Dead Files", did dishes and called Valerie, to see how the doctor's appointment went. She has to go back on chemotherapy, starting Monday. Time to wind down and head for bed. Good night! Trudi

Cat and vege

Good Morning! Got up a little later this morning, than I usually do, but yesterday was busy and exhausting. Did my morning routine. Did not have to make breakfast for Rory, which helped out. Mari and I did 6 laps around the park this morning and one piece of the equipment. I have been increasing the amount I am doing with my stretching exercises and the one piece of equipment. Came home and Mari made pancakes for breakfast. YUM! She got the recipe from a blog that we both read called Peanut Butter and Peppers. Going to finish breakfast and then do house stuff. Got a nap before lunch as Rory was out this morning. Had lunch and then took Sweet Pea to the vet to find out her glucose level. She hates going to the vet and she is definitely not Sweet Pea at the vet, except with the doctor. She can be a flirt with men. Came home and finally got to finish my lunch. I think yesterday wore Mari and I out, as Mari took about a two hour nap and I took a second 15 minute nap before I had snack. I knew I had to run some errands and neither girl wanted to go with me. I needed to go to Trader Joe's to get some veges, then to the Farmers Market to pick up my vege box from Tanaka Farms, plus some fruit. Then to Target to get Mari's prescription, some Drano and mouthwash. Real exciting! Vege box

I have been trying to finish editing pictures I have so I can really work on my writing. A friend of mine called just before dinner, just to catch up. I made dinner of a sort of tuna wrap with all sorts of veges and tuna. It was good. I am enjoying all these new blogs that I read, that I can get healthy meal ideas from. I gave Rory a TV dinner, so I wouldn't hear complaining. Rory saw the therapist today and he is already trying to figure out how long he is going to stay. I knew this would not last long. Watched TV while we ate dinner and worked on my pictures. Rory came down about 8 and said he was going to stay downstairs, so that if I wanted, I could go upstairs. It's nice to get to come upstairs early, sort of! Headed for bed, so good night! Trudi

Choo Choo

Good Morning! Up at 6 and doing my morning routine! It is nice to have the bottom part of the house opened up and not have the A/C on. Busy day today! Mari has a dentist appointment this morning and then she and I are headed for Union Station this afternoon for a history tour. While Mari is at the dentist, I am going to meet up with a friend for coffee/tea. Quite often I will have dreams about losing things, but last night, I had a dream that I could not get out of a car; I also had this feeling that I could not get away from something. Mari and I are not walking this morning, but we will be walking at the train station this afternoon. I can tell my exercises are working, as I don't have as much of a pregnancy(no I'm not pregnant)bump on my stomach as I have had. Done with emails, now to house stuff. I was reading a blog about how much I want to learn or change. Am I comfortable with how things are? Do I like learning and exploring and/or do I want to increase my photography skills or do I like taking pictures from automatic? Where am I not comfortable and what do I want to change? It was interesting, because I surrendered today to the Lord, which I quite often do. I was trying to figure out when I was going to get some marketing into the day with the way this was supposed to go. The friend I was having tea with, texted me and wanted to meet me later, which was fine. Mari's appointment was at 10 and that stayed the same. I ended up going marketing after dropping Mari off at the dentist. Came home and put groceries away. My other concern was that Rory was supposed to leave for work at 12:30 and he wanted lunch at 11:30. While I was home, Rory's work called and cancelled, so that opened up up the rest of the day for what I wanted to do. I did not have to get Rory's lunch or be home in time to tie his shoes, as he can not reach his work shoes with his uniform on. After I picked up Mari, we went to meet my friend at Starbuck's and also getting sandwiches for lunch. Maria, who cleans my house called while I was having coffee and said she was coming around 12:30, which was fine, but I really wanted to get in a nap. By the time, we got home, they were almost done with upstairs and Rory had gone out, so I could go upstairs and take a nap. Mari and I left about 2:15 to head for the train station to catch the 3:15 train to Los Angeles. Luckily, the train was on time. We got up to Union Station about an hour before the tour was supposed to start, so we walked over to Olvera Street and I got a chance to take some pictures and Mari bought a box she wanted. Walked back over to Union Station and joined the tour. It was very interesting and I learned somethings I did not know. I did not realize that there were 2 other train stations before Union Station was built. Mari and I plan to go back and take some more of their tours. Got dinner from Starbuck's and then caught our train back to Irvine. It was so nice to not have to drive to downtown Los Angeles. Got home in time to watched "Haunted Collector" Getting really tired, so time to go to bed. Good Night, Trudi Old ticket booths at Union Station in Los Angeles, CA

Counseling

Good Morning! Not a great night. My knee hurt and I was still wound up after watching the TV show I watched and excitement about what I am doing tomorrow with taking the train up to Union Station to take a tour of Downtown LA. Rory was not sleeping well either. Anyway, did my morning routine and then got Mari up at 7:30, so we could go walk the lake. Stopped at Starbuck's to get breakfast and then drove home. When we are out at the lake, we usually like to drive home the canyon, but there must have been an accident, as they had the road blocked off. This is typical for Live Oak Canyon, as there have been a multitude of accidents back there. So turned around and came home the way we came. Rory had already left as he had an appointment at 11 to get a permit he needs for this possible new job. Doing my emails and will get going on house stuff shortly. Got house stuff done and a nap. My 2.2 mile walk

Had lunch and then started working on editing pictures. Marissa was not feeling good, so I have this feeling that we are not going tonight. This was supposed to be a relationship workshop and I was hoping they would work on overall relationships, not just dating, but that seems to be what they are working on is dating. Oh well! I had an appointment at 3 to see Rory's therapist and about 2, I was getting this feeling that I didn't really want to go, but I went. The therapist is ok and we will see how long Rory stays with this. Came home and Marissa had decided not to go tonight and I was glad, as I was tired. Had dinner and watched TV and doing stuff on the computer. Rory came home about 6:30, which was early, as he said he would be home about 8:30-9. I have really gotten to the point I talk to people on the computer or by text and I very rarely call people. I have a long time friend, who is going through radiation treatment and she can't drive. She calls me and says to me, you haven't called me. I feel guilty. I had planned to call her, but I had not gotten around to it. I know she is by herself and gets lonely. I get so wrapped up with other things that I either forget or when I think about it, the timing is not right. I can only do what I can do. Good night, Trudi

New week, busy week

Good Morning! Got up at 6 this morning and did my morning routine. I came to realize that my bedroom is not a peaceful place for me and I am not sure how to make it a peaceful place for me. We have so much stuff in there and that to me is chaos. Rory asked me last night, now that we are getting the last chunk of money, what was I going to do. I had to do some thinking about it and some research. I still need to do some research, but I did some last night. I know I cannot go back to school this semester, as the beginning class for hotel/hospitality management is full. I would like to be a concierge. I looked at some reviews for different hotels and most of what I read, is that the job takes over your life and does not pay enough, which I know for most jobs is typical. At this point, I could not handle that, especially with my responsibility to my family. The other thing I want to do is blog about history and travel and add photos to these blogs. The other research I need to do is find out how I can make money doing this. I told him this and I told him in the afternoon, I need some quiet time. I know he will not really hear this and do what he wants. I am going to have to really stick to my boundaries. My time for doing housework is from 10-12 and I am going to have to start making certain areas in this house peaceful areas; which means cut down on the clutter; and I am going to try to get laundry done as quickly as possible, which may mean at the beginning of the week, I do a lot of laundry, so that later in the week, I don't have to do it and can do something else. Since it is 8 a.m., I had better get Mari up, so we can go walking. We did our walk and the man I have been talking to, while we do our walk, his name is Ralph and he is interested in wolves. Interesting the people you meet when you walk. Came home and had breakfast and did my emails and then got busy with house stuff. I got all my house stuff done. Took a nap and got up and finished vacuuming. Had lunch, watched TV and then ran errands. Rory got a letter back about a possible job opportunity. Please pray that he will get this. Took some pictures while I was out. Came home and helped Rory with some things that he needed done. Going through emails, I found a meet up group that is called "History Geeks". I love history! They were having a meet up on Wednesday at Union Station and taking a tour of downtown. Mari and I are going to that and taking the train to Union Station. Much easier than driving! Looking forward to this outing. Marissa does not want to go and Rory has to work. Finally got around to editing pictures and now it is almost time for dinner. Pictures from this afternoon:

We have been having heat clouds lately and I have been having fun taking pictures of them and seeing what I see in the clouds. Today, I saw a seahorse and yesterday, I saw a genie.

Tonight for dinner the girls and I had turkey burgers. I need to remember to have fruits and vegetables with each meal. I did not have fruit with this meal. I made turkey filets for Rory and one burger and he got sick on it. I cooked it just the way he wants and he said it was too dry. When we have turkey and fish, I am making him Hungry Man Dinners. I know he is stressed. The girls and I watched Extreme Makeover-Weight Loss Edition. This program keeps me inspired to keep me moving forward. This woman came up with excuses for everything and I do the same thing. I know I can lose the weight and so can Mari and we are going to do it. I want to edit some more pictures tonight, so I will say good night. Trudi

Field trip

Good Morning! Got up around 6 and did my morning routine. Rory watching TV as usual. Need to remember to do some research of my own into the Presidential candidates, so I can make an informed decision. Trying to increase my stretching exercises by one, so that at the beginning of September, it won't be a shock to my system, when I increase it by 5. Need to make Rory's breakfast. Mari is going to make blueberry/banana pancakes. Mari and I are going to Muzeo this morning with a group. Yesterday when Mari and I were in Target, we were looking at earrings that Mari would like and I saw some that I wanted. I have a pair on today that goes with the top I am wearing and Rory complimented me. I hear so much negative from him that when he actually gives me a compliment, it is a minor detail. I feel like all I hear from him is negative. Had breakfast and then headed to Muzeo, which is in Anaheim. The museum is in an historical dwelling. The exhibit was on The Bible, which was interesting and then there was a photography exhibit. From there we went to lunch at The Lazy Dog Cafe. The food was good. I don't know if this group is really for me, as they seem to like movies and plays mostly, which is not one of my top priorities. They do go to some interesting restaurants. I will stay with the group and do things once in a while with them. On the way home, we stopped at Trader Joe's and then came home. It was nice for awhile, as it was quiet downstairs. Marissa came downstairs and wanted to know how our outing went and then Rory came down and had to tell me all about some of the things that went on during the day. If he made it brief, I would not mind, but I have to hear every little detail, plus more. Like, in regards to his tire light, it would be nice, if it was just, I went to Big O and they were to busy, so I left, but usually it is way more than that. I had to hear about all the prisoners in the hospitals and all of their ailments. We had to talk about money and when he is going to work and on and on. Time for dinner. This was lunch:

Interesting clouds driving home from lunch:

Had dinner of left over noodles and veges from lunch and then made chow mein with sausage and some more veges. Watched TV with the girls. Rory is going to come down and watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympics. This is going to be a busy week. I want to start moving forward. Rory was talking about once we get the end of the money, what am I going to do. I have some ideas and I need to make some plans to move forward with those ideas. New week, new start. Going to say good night, Trudi

The weekend is here

Good Morning! Down another half pound. What I am doing is working and I am thrilled. Up at 6 and did my morning routine. Got some quiet time, while I was getting ready in our room. I am finding, I really enjoy my quiet time. It is peacefulness. I feel like the word goal keeps coming at me. How do I set goals? I know I would like to get rid of about 70 pounds, but I struggle with it. I know I would like to make a living from my traveling, writing and photography and learning about different areas. I don't know where to start and how to make a living with it. Another thing that has been in my head is why do I stay with Rory. Right now it is the money issue and having Mari in school. It would be ridiculous to move to someplace around here and go through a separation/divorce. If I was to tell the therapist that once Mari is through school, I plan to leave, that sounds like I am a hypocrite. I had better make Rory's breakfast, so Mari and I can go walking at 8. I would love feedback from whoever is reading this on the issues I have raised above. Mari and I did our 5 laps around the park and did one piece of equipment. Ended our walk by taking some pictures of the dogs that were playing in the park. Came home and made breakfast and now I am looking at emails and about to do house stuff. Oh such fun! Did some house stuff and then took a nap. Got up and then Rory came down, as it was lunch time and he plopped himself down on the couch and wanted to know if anyone had gotten the mail. Marissa volunteered to get it and Rory asked if she would take the three envelopes out to the mail box and mail them. We were all making our own lunch and he wanted someone to make his lunch. I finally decided to go upstairs and let Rory have the living room to himself. I would love to have a discussion about him just coming down and plopping in the living room and his non stop talking, but that is not going to happen, as he is going to do what he wants to do and it really doesn't matter what we want. Lunch is one meal, I get to watch my own TV programs. TV is getting more and more uninteresting. I need to find some place I can eat lunch in peace. I like eating lunch in peace with other people, but now I can't seem to do that. We are all up tight with Rory in the room.When the girls and I are home or all in one room, it is peaceful. As soon as Rory comes in, it is like he brings chaos with him. I want Marissa to do some volunteer work and I found a place for her to do that. Rory asked Marissa if she had ever been to this place and she said, no, which was the truth and then asked why she was doing it. I know she likes animals and this place appears to be calm and that would be good for her. It would also get her out of the house, which she needs to do. Rory wants a servant to come in and take care of his every need and that is not going to happen in this house. This house is too small for four of us and to add one more person is too much. I guess I had better finish doing finance stuff; which needs to be done in my office, which is next to the living room. Went downstairs and got to watch a program I wanted and tried to calmly talk to Rory. Nothing changes. He left to go to the casino(where else?) and I finished my lunch and Mari and I went to Target and Trader Joe's. For awhile this afternoon, we have been under a thunderstorm warning and the clouds were very dark. We also went by Walmart and I finally found the kind of sunglasses I wanted. YEA! While we were in Trader Joe's, Rory called and said his car was having a problem. I told him to call AAA and get them to tow him to the Chevrolet Dealership. Of course not! He wanted to stay at the casino. His tire warning light came on and he was having problems keeping it within the lines on the freeway. When I got home, I called the dealership and they are not open tomorrow, so he can take his car in for service again on Monday. I am now having quiet time at home. Going to edit pictures and see what I want to write about Laguna Canyon(another blog about back roads or non-interstate roads). I also want to see about setting up the Time Machine. Fun at the park:

Mari and I made dinner and then we watched TV for the rest of the evening. Rory is not home yet; which is typical for him many times when he goes to the casino. He loses track of time. He says he is going to be home for dinner. To me, dinner time is around 6. I don't know what time dinner is to him. At 9, I am going to do my reading and turn off the light at 10. I am concerned that he will be ok getting home with his car. Good night, Trudi

Getting healthy

Good Morning! Woke up at 6 as Mari and I are walking Rancho Santa Margarita Lake this morning. We go around twice, which is 2.2 miles, then we go to Starbuck's and get oatmeal. I think this morning, I am going to make a Breakfast Parfait that is in a blog, I have been following called Peanut Butter and Peppers. Love her recipes! I have taken care of Sweet Pea this morning, done my stretching exercises and my Bible reading. Nothing special planned for today. Yesterday, when we went to the Foothill Ranch Farmer's Market, I found Tanaka Farms, who does a box of produce for $20/week for a small box. I am going to start getting this on a weekly basis. My meals are going to start including veges and fruit. I really have to thank my friend Cricket Walker from FB for starting me on this new road. It is where I always should have been, but I really needed the support. Overall I am lazy when it comes to eating healthy, I would rather have yummy food that is not healthy. Also I did not have really good support within my own house. Better go wake up Mari and get us going, before it gets too warm. We walked two times around RSM lake, drip, drip. Came home, after stopping at Starbuck's. Drove through Live Oak Canyon, which is nice and relaxing. Made breakfast and now I am looking at emails and about to start house stuff. Oh such fun! Got a nap and now I am finishing house stuff. My poor plants out in this heat! Gave them a nice drink of water. Now to check our bank account, do some filing and get employers off of the internet for Rory. To me, this is so ridiculous, as he does not really plan to go to work for anybody else. He is just playing the unemployment game. I do not like lies and that is what I feel like he is doing, just so he can get some play money. He does not put his unemployment money in our joint account. Had a healthy lunch of a half sandwich and a half grapefruit that we got from the box from Tanaka Farm. Mari and I ran errands. I will be so glad when the temperature goes down to the 80's, as I am tired of the mid to upper 90's. Came home and having a time I enjoy and that is some quiet time. My two favorite times of the day are first thing in the morning and this time of the afternoon. I also enjoy time with my daughters and my friends. Beautiful nature:

I try to start dinner about 5:30. Friday night is steak night for Rory and he always wants steak and salad. Tonight he also got rice. I am trying to watch our portion sizes, so the rice we had serves two people per package. He didn't complain. He also found out that our attorney has the last of the money from the law suit and will wire it to us on Monday. That will hopefully close this part of our lives. Where he goes from here, who knows. Had dinner and Mari and I watched a couple of programs that I had DVR'd. Then we watched "Dead Files", which the girls like and I am interested in. Now I have another hour before I do my wind down routine. At 10, I will go to bed. Good night, Trudi

Wine Tasting and horses

Good morning! Up at 6, did my morning routine. Trying to help Rory out by getting up early, so he can get to Torrance and back by noon time for his therapist appointment. My feeling this morning is it is just another day. The girls and I are going with Chris to a winery in the canyon that has horse stables as well. We will hopefully go out to dinner as well. Mari and I did our walk and then came home and made breakfast, did house stuff and got a nap. Had lunch and watched TV. Instead of running errands, I decided to stay home and work on pictures and stuff. Rory called after his session with the therapist. The therapist wants to see me; which I expected. I made an appointment with the therapist for next Tuesday. This will be interesting. Just enjoying have a peaceful afternoon at home.

Left at 3:25 to pick up Chris and head for the winery. OOPS! I goofed, the winery is only open Friday to Sunday. Plan B-we ended up going to our local Farmer's Market, which was fun, but hot.

After we left the Farmer's Market, we went to dinner, which was nice and air conditioned. Enjoyable late afternoon. Came home and just enjoying the quiet. Rory in our room watching TV, Marissa in her room and Mari in her room. Editing pictures. Not much more to the evening, except reading at 9 and going to bed at 10. Good night, Trudi

Middle of the week

Good morning! Up around 6 and did my morning routine. Rory is less stressed today and he is exhausted. His weight and blood sugar are up. I have gotten rid of 5 pounds since July 20. Better get Mari up, so we can go walking, before it gets too hot. did our walk. We have decided that as soon as it cools down slightly, we are going to add a lap to our walk. Came home and had breakfast and did house stuff. Rory is supposed to finish getting his car fixed today between 10 and 12. He had to come downstairs and watch TV, so the girls of us take off to other parts of the house. Took my nap and then finish doing house stuff. At least the car repair people called and said they were going to be about an hour late. Wonderful! The guy got here about 2. Mari and I ran errands(car registration, bluetooth for my phone and Trader Joe's. Drove back through the canyon. Came home and the guy was still working on the car. Rory has been downstairs all day watching TV and I have just done what I usually do. I am just tired of the TV. The girls have been in their rooms most of the day, when usually the three girls of us hang out in the living room or their bedrooms. I am looking forward to Rory being gone out of the house or staying up in our bedroom. I just need to have some calmness. I left about 4:15 to go see a friend at Jamba Juice. The man repairing Rory's car was still there. Had a nice visit with my friend. Mari's computer is ready, so we went over tonight to get it. Came home and had a dinner of shrimp salad. After we came home from the Mac store, we watched "Haunted Collector". After the program is over, I am going to bed. My friend and I were talking about Rory and his family and one of the questions that was asked is why does my mother-in-law not want to see Rory-does it bring back too many memories. Rory starts counseling tomorrow and I am wondering where this is going to go. There are certain things he does that I know was affected by what went on in his family and he doesn't even realize it. I am tired tonight, so Good night, Trudi

Tattoos and computers

Good Morning! Got up at about 6:20 and did my morning routine in quiet. Came downstairs and took care of Sweet Pea, did my stretching exercises and I am about to make breakfast for Rory. Today is mainly a stay at home day, but my errands are going to be going to Target, Trader Joe's, take Mari's computer to get a check up before she starts school and then to a Tattoo shop to get Mari's ears pierced. No we are not getting tattoos. I have made up a routine that between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m., I do morning routine and between 8a.m. and 10 a.m., I do walking, breakfast and emails, then from 10 to 12, I do house stuff. From 12-1 is lunch and then from 1-3 is errands and any picture taking I want to do. From 3-6 is editing pics and writing. Dinner at 6 and then however I want to spend the rest of the evening. My day went fine until lunch time. Earlier in the day, we had heard Rory yelling at whoever he was talking to on the phone. He is getting frustrated because the camera in his car is not getting fixed. He also heard or called Social Security and found out that he was probably being turned down for disability and he was not getting straight answers as to when his SS check is coming. He has been getting more and more frustrated over the last few days. He came down to put something in the car and saw that there was nothing of his in the freezer. A couple of days ago, he was complaining that there was not enough meat in the lunches, so I told Marissa she could have it, as he has not been eating the lunches in the freezer anyway and it was shrimp. He went out to Wienerscnitzel. He came back and started yelling at me and I was yelling at him, which was the only way to talk to him. Then Mari started crying and saying she could not take the yelling anymore. I am having to be responsible and not make emotional decisions. I hate this! Rory came back downstairs and wanted to talk and I told him I really wanted to leave. The girls and I finally got out of the house and went to Target and Trader Joe's and then went to Irvine Spectrum to the Mac store, to get Mari's Mac fixed. That took some time, then we went to get the girl's ears pierced. Things today took longer than I thought. We finally got home and I was very hungry. We made dinner and Rory came down and joined us for dinner, which I really didn't want. I like my late afternoons doing things I really enjoy doing. I am exhausted tonight. Mari and I had made a decision to go back to the park to use one piece of the equipment, which we did. It was fun to watch the dogs running around. Got back and Rory had gone up stairs and I am enjoying just me time. Rory has made a decision to go to a psychologist. We will see where this goes. I guess I don't have much confidence in this, as he had done this before and nothing changes. I feel like the therapist always expect me to change and I am sorry, but not this time. I do not want to do things with Rory, especially going to Vegas, or anyplace else. He wants to have communication with his family all of a sudden. It has been almost 40 years since he has talked to his family.

Lions, tigers and bears, oh my!

Good Morning world! Got up at 6:10 this morning and did my morning routine. Rory was doing his non-stop talking and the TV was going. Came down to my quietness, oh how nice! Did my stretching exercises and my morning routine with Sweet Pea! Now to start breakfast. Mari and I are going to Rancho Las Lomas this morning, which is a place 5 minutes from us that I have wanted to go to, but never been able to go. Looking forward to this! This afternoon we get our mantle. Looking forward to that as well. This morning I was listening to Chip Ingram of Living on the Edge and he was talking about living with difficult people and he totally described my living with Rory. He also said that God puts people in our lives who are difficult so that we can grow. My prayer is what God wants me to learn through living with Rory and what God wants to teach Rory through me and does God want me to continue to live with Rory. After Mari graduates from college and gets a job, what I want to do is take off and live with the girls, but what does God want me to do. Our new mantle:

This afternoon we got our mantle and I love it! I feel like I am getting such a nice looking house. New kitchen, new bath and now a new mantle. I am so used to living cheap, but this is so nice. I feel like I have a somewhat classy house. Mari and I ran errands. Came home and I had made the decision that I was going to spend an hour on my pictures and an hour on writing, which I did. Mari made dinner and we watched Extreme Makeover-Weight Edition. Watching this, really, keeps me motivated to move forward. I was good with my food today, I did do my stretching and we did walk around Rancho Las Lomas. It was not the walk I usually get, but that is ok, as I can handle walking for lengthy periods or standing and I am not having the problems in my back. My pants are starting to show the exercise and the weight loss and I am happy. I want to keep moving forward for my girls and for my health. Good night, Trudi

Sunday, August 5-Let's see what the day brings

Got up at 6:15 and was able to get ready without the TV going. Came downstairs and fed Sweet Pea and then Rory started complaining about last night's dinner, especially the green beans being hard. I told him I was done talking and went about doing what I was doing. I am going to cook healthy and if he wants something different, he had better buy it. I am going to be responsible with my health and finances, the best way I can. Did my stretching exercises and now I am making Rory's breakfast and listening to a message from Chip Ingram, before Mari and I go walk. Mari and I went for a walk, but I was not much into it. I was waiting for just another boring day. Decided to take the "bull by the horn" and not make it a boring day. Had breakfast, did house stuff, took a nap and had lunch and then Mari and I went to The Farmer's Market at The Great Park. That was fun! Ran errands and then came home. Working on my pictures and chatting with friends. We bought nectarines at The Farmer's Market.

I made dinner tonight and Rory actually liked it. He does not like fresh vegetables and he wants his vegetables almost mushed. Mari and I have gotten hooked on a blog called "Peanut Butter and Peppers". Mari made Almond Joy Frappe from her blog. It was really good. Sat and watched TV with Mari tonight. She likes to watch a program called "Oddities". Enjoyable day! Good night, Trudi!

Off and running

Mari and I have a field trip today to Los Angeles to look at street art. Something new I have found that I like. This morning, my topic of conversation with Rory was his favorite, "money". He was complaining because the money we received from his working went into our joint account and he got less unemployment money for him to play. The end of this month, he will start getting Social Security of about $1500 and he is going to put $500 into the joint account and keep $1000 for play. This is not fair, but there is no changing how he is going to do things. I know we have our investments and that is how we live, but he does not get the idea that the less we pull from our investments, the longer they will last. I will probably be going back to work towards the end of Mari's school, so that I can have some of my own money. I have to be thankful for our investment money; but again, why do I have to be the responsible one. ARGH! Also, found out he is going to Vegas the end of August for 4 nights, which I am glad about, because it gives me a vacation. Wall Art:

Mari and I left about 11:30 to head up for Los Angeles. We stopped at "Jersey Mike's" to get sandwiches. On the way up to Los Angeles, we were talking about an article I had gotten from Will Marre on the American Dream Project, regarding how our society were like teenagers and how we need to grow up. Most people want everything now and that is so true. We were talking about whether it is just people here in the United States or is it the whole world. I love it when I can have these kind of conversations with Mari. Got to the Pacific Design Center or as they used to call it "The Blue Whale". The parking lot we parked at had wall art on the side of the building. It was also fun driving up some of the streets and looking at all of the stores, it also brought back alot of fond memories from when I used to spend time in this area. Walked around the PDC, took some pictures and then headed back to the car and drove down Melrose and took pictures of wall art. It was a fun afternoon and then we headed for home. Stopped at Trader Joe's and picked up some things we needed. Got home and made dinner. One thing I decided on the way home was that Rory was going to handle money the way he does and I can't change that. I will handle money the way I do. I am going to try not to argue about how he handles money. I know this is going to be hard, but I need to do it that way. For dinner, we had pork chops with green beans and proscuttio and potatoes. I knew he wouldn't like the potatoes, as for some reason, he has taken to not liking them. The green beans were not made to his liking, but he did eat the pork, that he thought was chicken. The girls and I are really trying to eat healthy and lose weight. He really doesn't care about his health. I will cook the way I cook and if he wants a TV dinner, I will make it; but I will not make two separate meals, except for Friday night, when he has steak. Having a nice quiet peaceful evening, watching TV and hanging out with my daughters. I am so blessed to have the things we have. I saw a woman at Trader Joe's, who had lost her job and had a small child and was pregnant with another one. She was aksing for food and money. Good night, Trudi