Mari and I went to church today. I love Saddleback Church, because I always feel like the message is focusing on what I am dealing with. I am still questioning whether the docent program is for me and I am exhausted from the questioning and dealing with my feelings. I am 3/4 of the way through it. I love to learn and explore and I love history. When I looked at what things I should be, it has come up with being a teacher and a few other things. The docent program comprises most of the things I love. Today at church, the testimony was from a young woman, who has dealt with some disabilities and how she has pushed through them. She has took up running and part of her disability is that she walks with a limp, so running is hard. Her short term goal is to run a 5k and as of yesterday, she has run one lap. She got involved in softball and martial arts and some other sports. Her friends have encouraged her to move forward. I have dealt with so much negativity in the past and I never realized how much it has affected me. I look at how I dealt with photography and how I backed away from it. I look at how I dealt with organizing and how I backed away from that. I love taking pictures and I love organizing. I love learning what I am learning at the mission, it is my fear that is getting in the way of being able to share the information I am learning. Again I need prayer.