Thursday, November 15, 2012

How to deal with loss

Good Morning! Last night, after I had said good night, my friend's sister called me to tell me that my friend, Valerie, was not going to be with us much longer. I had know this for a while. To me, Valerie's and my friendship had ended about a couple of years ago, but when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I continued to keep in touch with her and we saw each other from time to time. As far as going out to say good by, I did that a couple of years ago. Can people accept that we all have differing ways of saying good by or ending a relationship. I feel that way with my husband. I live with him yes, but I question whether I was really ever in love with him. I would really like to walk away from this relationship, but for the moment I can't. I feel like I put on a face and be the person the other person wants me to be. Who am I? Can I really have a relationship with someone? I miss my dad tremendously, but I have dealt with the fact that he is gone. Today, I feel somewhat down, like ok, it is just another day. I guess there are routine days and there are days I can get excited about. Today, Mari has class from 10-10. I am going to Dana Point Harbor and walk. Farmer's Market is today and tonight I am going to a champagne tasting with a friend. I like to go to Dana Point and walk. Am I really looking forward to champagne tasting or am I doing this because someone else wants to? Better go get breakfast together.
Last night, I texted my friends and told them what was going on with Valerie, one of my friends texted me back and said she was praying for me as well. It made me cry, as she knows how I feel about all of this. Then I took breakfast up to Rory and he starts talking about the holidays and how he will tell me later about something about Obama. I don't want to hear about it and I am not excited about the holidays. Very emotional and busy day today. Will write more tomorrow. Good night, Trudi

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