I am tired of...

Good Morning! It is a beautiful sunny morning in Southern California. I am tired of being tired, being angry, not being respected by my husband, being my husband's servant, being fearful, always being the fix it person. I am tired of the commercialization of Christmas. I want to feel joy. Pray that I will have energy, will be happy, will be loved and respected by my husband, that Rory and I could go through life as friends and partners and have similar values and that I can have confidence and be able to step forward in whatever God has for me. I want life to be relatively simple and that the world would not always want all these things. Let me and everyone find contentment in what we have. My goal for today is for the girls and I to get our hair cut and to take down the decorations for fall. As of this morning, I am down 19 pounds. I would like to be down 20 pounds going into the new year. I want to be good to myself and find joy within me.

I want to be able to enjoy cooking and trying new things! Doing morning routine! I made eggs with mozzarella cheese and butternut squash. Something that the CSA box I get has done, is get me to try new veges and really eat fresh veges. I am tired of being emotionally exhausted and not being able to share things with Rory. I live with a man, who really doesn't understand relationships and that is exhausting. Last night, I had gone upstairs and took the wrong Bible. Rory was sitting downstairs, watching TV and he was wondering what I was doing and I told him, I had taken the wrong Bible upstairs and he said to me, that he knew I was a very religious woman, but was wondering how many Bibles did I need. I told him different Bibles have different devotionals. I really don't feel like that a religious person. Morning routine, nap and lunch done! The girls and I went to get hair cuts and then to Trader Joe's to get some things. We also walked by a Christmas tree lot and ended up getting a small reindeer for the front door step. Put fall decorations away in the storage unit and then went to Starbucks. Came home, Rory was downstairs watching a football game. We will see what I get done before I have to get dinner going. The first question he asks the girls is how much did the hair cut cost. I was really trying to figure out why he wants to know the cost. I know he is trying to be nice in getting gifts for the girls, but when it comes to me, he doesn't ask, because I have already said I don't really want anything. I usually get what I want. He really doesn't know how to buy for people. I was very spoiled by my dad, when it came to gifts.

Mari and I put dinner together and the three girls of watched TV in the living room. Rory got his dinner on a tray and watched TV in our room, which is what he likes. He can lay on the bed and eat and watch TV. Getting quiet time until 8 p.m., when Amazing Race comes on. Watching Amazing Race, then going to read and then to bed. Back to reality for a couple of weeks tomorrow. Good night. Trudi