Friday, January 25, 2013

In or out?

Good Morning!  Another rainy morning in Southern California!  Doing my morning computer stuff.

Growing up, I loved coming home from school and going into my room and hanging out.  I did not have a bunch of friends, so I enjoyed being by myself.  My mom and dad were my best friends and I lived in a very loving home.   I was in the Girls Scouts, but really did not enjoy it.  What I am really struggling with right now, is that I really do enjoy staying home when Rory is not there and hanging out with my girls.  Yes, I do like being out with other people, but I prefer to come home.  I have some friends telling me that I need to make friends outside of my house and be more outside of the house, as Mari is going to move on with her life, which I know.  I like getting out and exploring, learning and taking pictures and interacting with people, but not really getting close.  I think I was so hurt as a child, that I keep people at arms length.  When I look at my marriage, Rory was perfect for me, as he does not really know how to socially interact and I keep people at arms length.  Sad, but true!  I am going to continue with small group through the end of this study, but I am not sure after this.  I have acquaintances on social media and I feel comfortable with that.  Many of the relationships I do have are long distances relationships.

This picture was taken on our Secret Stairs walk in Los Angeles.  Interesting, that this morning in the Orange County Register, was an article about the Secret Stairs.

Did my morning computer routine, got laundry done and worked on a box in storage.  Had lunch and watched TV.  Finally finished watching The Biggest Loser that I had DVR'd.  Mari and I are going to go out and get our hair trimmed and do a couple of errands.  Marissa went to a movie with her friend and Rory is going to a movie by himself.  Mari and I got our hair cut and then went to Target and then to Yogurtland and then came home.  We are going out to eat with a friend tonight.

In regards to my marriage, I do want to do God's will and seek God's counsel.  I just feel that if I do separate from Rory, I am doing something wrong.  I feel like saying, to those who tell me, to love him more, you live with Rory for a month and see how you feel.  I know there are marriages that have changed for the better, but I don't know if mine is one.  I am tired of hearing these stories and it just pushes me away.  I just want to be accepted.

Day 25 of 365-Rainy day in Southern California!

Got a post done for my and did some reading for docent training tomorrow.  Last class!  The girls and I went out with a friend of mine for sushi. Fun evening out!  Came home and Rory was downstairs, so I got him his tea and pie and Mari and I gave Sweet Pea her insulin and then I came upstairs.

Going to do my computer stuff and my reading and then go to bed.  It really felt nice today to not have to be anywhere at any time.  I had no schedule today!

Good night, Trudi

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