Growing up, I loved coming home from school and going into my room and hanging out. I did not have a bunch of friends, so I enjoyed being by myself. My mom and dad were my best friends and I lived in a very loving home. I was in the Girls Scouts, but really did not enjoy it. What I am really struggling with right now, is that I really do enjoy staying home when Rory is not there and hanging out with my girls. Yes, I do like being out with other people, but I prefer to come home. I have some friends telling me that I need to make friends outside of my house and be more outside of the house, as Mari is going to move on with her life, which I know. I like getting out and exploring, learning and taking pictures and interacting with people, but not really getting close. I think I was so hurt as a child, that I keep people at arms length. When I look at my marriage, Rory was perfect for me, as he does not really know how to socially interact and I keep people at arms length. Sad, but true! I am going to continue with small group through the end of this study, but I am not sure after this. I have acquaintances on social media and I feel comfortable with that. Many of the relationships I do have are long distances relationships.
Did my morning computer routine, got laundry done and worked on a box in storage. Had lunch and watched TV. Finally finished watching The Biggest Loser that I had DVR'd. Mari and I are going to go out and get our hair trimmed and do a couple of errands. Marissa went to a movie with her friend and Rory is going to a movie by himself. Mari and I got our hair cut and then went to Target and then to Yogurtland and then came home. We are going out to eat with a friend tonight.
In regards to my marriage, I do want to do God's will and seek God's counsel. I just feel that if I do separate from Rory, I am doing something wrong. I feel like saying, to those who tell me, to love him more, you live with Rory for a month and see how you feel. I know there are marriages that have changed for the better, but I don't know if mine is one. I am tired of hearing these stories and it just pushes me away. I just want to be accepted.
Got a post done for my gypsymomvirtualconcierge.blogspot.com and did some reading for docent training tomorrow. Last class! The girls and I went out with a friend of mine for sushi. Fun evening out! Came home and Rory was downstairs, so I got him his tea and pie and Mari and I gave Sweet Pea her insulin and then I came upstairs.
Going to do my computer stuff and my reading and then go to bed. It really felt nice today to not have to be anywhere at any time. I had no schedule today!
Good night, Trudi
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