Monday, January 21, 2013

Why do I beat myself up?

Good Morning!  Start to a new week and a new semester!

This was taken in Old Town Tustin two years ago.

Lately I have been trying to not always respond to Rory, when he says something, but only if he asks a question or we are actually talking about something.  That way I don't get as angry or upset with him as I sometimes do.  I was watching The Biggest Loser last night and I was getting frustrated with myself, as I had this feeling of not being good enough.  I am not exercising enough and I am being lazy.  A little after 9, Rory came downstairs and I think he just wanted some company before I went upstairs.  I felt myself going back into the pattern of negatively responding to him and I did not want to go there.  I, quite often feel that I am not good enough.  Even with the docent program, I keep wanting to quit, as I don't feel like I can do it.  I am going to continue with the docent program.

Today, Mari has school from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. and after I drop her off at 3:45, I am going to go to Dana Point Harbor and walk, then go to Trader Joe's and then come home.  The rest of the day, I am going to do home stuff.  I did work on my travel blog and I did watch something on YouTube about the missions and I did take a nap, all before lunch.  Got part of Marissa's PCIP application completed and now I just need to mail it.  We had some excitement about lunch time.  There was a fire in the building below us. The fire appeared to be confined to just one unit, thank goodness.

This was taken at the Huntington Library.

As I ate lunch, I was watching some more of The Biggest Loser and it made me think, why do I want to lose weight.  Yes, I want to be healthy, but I really don't like exercising and it really does not make me feel better after I do it.  I love to walk, yes and I do have places I like to walk, but overall, I am lazy, whien it comes to exercise and I like food.  Do I really want to work for what I want, or do I like to be lazy.  I did do my hour of reading for the docent class tomorrow.  I keep wondering if I am going to stick with this, but I know down line, I would wonder what would happen, if I did not do this.  We left about 3 and went by Starbucks to get snack and Mari a coffee and then took Rory to the Chevrolet dealership to get his car.  All I heard was complaining from him and then I took Mari to school.  I did go to Dana Point Harbor and walk.  I was glad I did, as I saw a beautiful sunset.

On the way home, I went by Trader Joe's and then came home.  Rory was downstairs in his chair and the TV was on and he was asleep.  I was hoping that someone would have made dinner, but I guess I am dreaming.  Luckily, it was an easy dinner and it got made and we all were fed.  Doing my computer stuff and waiting for Mari to call.  I will leave at 9 to go get her.

Good night.  Trudi


  1. One day at a time is sometimes a heroic effort. Keep that in mind.

    1. Thank you Chris! Sometimes it is one minute or one second at a time.